Prayer and Patience

It is interesting how quickly my mood changes in a day.  Sometimes I am really happy with my life and I feel at peace knowing that Roy is on a mission and that the day will soon come when I will see Him again.  Other times, in a split second, I can  feel so lonely and empty inside that I don't want to do anything but lay in my bed an cry for his presence. I would give anything to be with him right now.  But then I think about my Heavenly Father and my relationship with Him.  Do I long for His presence as much as I long for Roy's? I realize that it's different, but it really isn't so much either.  I have decided that if only I would desire to communicate with my Father in Heaven as much as I long to be with Roy, I would find more peace in my life about Roy and I's separation.  The Lord doesn't answer prayers the way we imagine. It is usually not the convenient way.  Instead of blessing me with Roy at my doorstep, He offers me peace and patience to endure until the day comes that we will be together again.  Plus, as much as I would love it if Roy were here with me, I know that he is where he needs to be.  It's like I wish he were here, but it's not even a possibility, realistically or in my mind!  So I ask the Lord to help me be happy every day with who I am .  As we seek the lord through prayer, not only do we increase our relationship with God, but he truly blesses us in ways unimaginable.  And we begin to find peace in our lives until we can see that light at the end of the tunnel.  Continuous communication with God, enables us to maintain that peace until we finally reach the end of the tunnel and enter into the full sunlight.  Oh, the blessings of enduring with prayer and patience.

Support to Endure my Trials

Because I have a boyfriend serving a mission right now, I have certainly taken advantage of reminiscing past experiences that we have shared together and coping with being alone.  I've come a long way i'd say!  Before he left, we spent every waking moment together as far as our schedules allowed.  I recall being overly sad and heartbroken when I had to say goodnight to him, knowing all along that I would see him the next morning!  I remember so clearly the day we had our final goodbye hug and kiss before we parted our separate ways for these two years that he has been called to serve the Lord.  I felt sick, empty, heartbroken, and shock.  I can easily mark it as the most miserable moment of my life as I watched him walk away and never look back.  He later told me that he couldn't look back because he was also crying and he immediately went to his bedroom and cried for 2 hours.  Since he left, our only mode of communication is well, via the mail! And quite frankly, the mailbox is my best friend!  But I have learned to open my eyes and see how truly blessed I am.  I have more friends than just the words in an envelope from the man of my dreams, though they are my favorite!  I have learned to rely on my family and friends who support me (those who do, or don't even know Roy), but continue to cheer me on every step of the way.  I know that I  have a Father in heaven who knows me personally and desires my happiness and Joy, and wants to help me endure this trial well. He doesn't want me to be miserable! Last night, my roommate Allie and I, chatted until 2 a.m.! I shared many stories of when Roy and I were together - We laughed so hard, and I even cried at one point!  There is nothing better than talking about the man I love to my best friend who doesn't even know him, but I could tell she was enjoying it as much as I! I thank my Heavenly Father for sending me such a wonderful support system to help me get through the toughest challenge yet in my life.

Jesus Christ is my Savior

It is interesting to look back and recognize the different paths I chose in life to get to where I am today.  I am so imperfect.  I have made many poor decisions that have started to lead me off of the straight and narrow path which leads to eternal life.  Of course I am not proud of these things, but I am certainly grateful for the lessons that I have learned in these trials that I have overcome. They have truly shaped me into the woman I am today.  I am forever grateful for my Savior, Jesus Christ, who 'suffered these things for all, that (we) might not suffer if (we)would repent' (D&C 19:16).  I often think of Alma the younger's experience in the Book of Mormon.  He relays the amazing contrast between the torment he felt before he repented and the joy he felt after he repented.  He said '...Yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!' (Alma 36:20) And in verse 21: '...There could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains...on the other hand there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy.'  I know I haven't suffered the 'pains of a damned soul' as Alma the younger did in his experience, but  I can relate in so many ways to the 'joy' of repentance exceeding the greatness of the pain you feel in times of sin.  I have a burning testimony of the reality and power of repentance.  Jesus Christ is truly our Savior and provided the way for us to overcome not only physical death, but also spiritual death.  Without our Savoir, Jesus Christ, I (all of us) would be lost in the dark.  Thankfully,  'God so loved the world that He gave His only Begotton Son' (John 3:16).  Because of this, I (all of us) am able to experience the light of the gospel everyday. And 'Happiness in this life and eternal life in the world to come. God be thanked for the matchless gift of His divine Son!' (The Living Christ)

You Are Unique

You may not think the world needs you, but it does.

For you are unique, like no that has ever been before

or will come after.

No one can speak with your voice, say your piece,

smile your smile, or shine your light.

No one can take your place,

for it is yours alone to fill.

If you're not there to shine your light,

who knows how many travelers will lose their way

as they try to pass by your empty place in the darkness?

~Author Unknown